Tag 3

I've been tagged! by Holly, thanks. (my first time ever) I almost didn't recognize it since I haven't been Marie F. for very long (only 2 years, ha ha)

I'm supposed to name 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 goals, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 random/surprising facts about myself, then tag 3 people. Here goes:

3 Joys

1. The gospel of Jesus Christ. In the scriptures the word joy is used mostly in connection with Christ. I think it's important to remember that true joy comes through Christ, and that anything in our life that brings us joy is given to us by Him. I especially like 1 Corinthians 15:22 "For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive,"compared with 2 Nephi 2:25, "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." To me that says even so in Christ all might have joy. And yes, this is me waxing philosophical.


2. My husband, JP. I feel like I'm more in love with him than ever before. This may seem cheesy or cliche, but it's definitely true. He is a joy in my life.


3. Music, especially classical music. Listening to music, playing music (I play the viola), all of it. I'm missing it a little right now because of the symphony break, and my students not showing up. I love music, and I'm grateful for all of the people that taught me that love, including my music teachers. But especially Holly who taught me how to listen to music, and not just play it.

3 Fears

I have worked hard to overcome fears in my life, including heights, and being in front of people. The ones I'm currently working on are water/fish and spiders, so I guess technically I'm still afraid of them some, but I've come a long way. We now have a fish named Haiku, and I've been swimming 8 or so times this summer, and I've killed a handful of spiders in my house (big progress.) So things I'm still afraid of:

1. Snakes, we saw one on a hike in Yellowstone this year. It was afraid and got away fast, but I still didn't like it. And I didn't like walking past them in the pet store yesterday either.


2. Not getting enough done/procrastinating. I think that's what puts me on edge and makes me high strung. The interesting thing is, it's still not enough to keep me motivated for a whole 8 hour period. *sigh* So it sort of ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.


3. Failure... not being good enough at something, whether that's teaching violin or being a wife or mother. I've had a lot of successes in my life, but I haven't really learned to deal with failure. And I don't even have a good definition of what failure is to me, which is why it continues to be a looming fear, instead of one I can conquer.

3 Goals

1. Suzuki teaching; I want to build my violin/viola studio, and I want to improve my teaching skills.


2. The "Scrapbook Pile:" we have a huge pile in our bedroom of all the stuff we've both collected over the years. There's photos, certificates, memorabilia, souvenirs.... everything. It needs to be gone through, de-junked, and made functional. Included with that goal is putting together something about our wedding, a small scrapbook, or wall hanging that I can feel happy with so I can feel like it's documented and I can move on. Also, the family history stuff we've been collecting and we want to work on more keeps migrating to that pile.


3. Health; I want to get more in shape through yoga and running. I did really well last month, with water aerobics, and even ran with the high school cross country team one day, and then we went to Yellowstone, came back, and all of the sudden I quit. So hopefully I can jump back in here soon.

3 Current Obsessions/Collections

This is a good one for me because I live my life obsession to obsession. I read about them, and research them, and talk to everyone about them, and then I move on to another one, having sponged up everything I can. I guess the overarching obsession of all of these is reading. So these are my three most recent.

1. Birthing. I have two friends that got me started on this. One friend had 2 home births, and the other friend is planning a home birth. I'm not sure that I would want a home birth, but my mom had a midwife for her last few births, and I think that's the way that I would like to go. Luckily I don't have to decide anything right now, and I have a lot of time to keep reading and researching. But if anyone has suggestions on great midwives in the Salt Lake area, let me know.


2. Homeschool. I've been researching homeschool because I know I'm going to homeschool my children, at least for the elementary school years. JP and his siblings were homeschooled, and my parents are teaching my siblings at home now.


3. Sign Language. I've always loved ASL, and as I learned about signing with children as a second language and pre-speech communication tool I've loved it. In my research ran across Signing Time! and think it's really fun. I also studied deafness, and deaf culture somewhat. I learned a lot, and then got a job working with a boy who is deaf last year.

3 Random/Surprising Facts About Myself

1. I love books, especially childrens books, and poetry.


2. I play the string bass (only classical.)


3. I have two metal rods in my back for scoliosis.

3People to Tag

1. J.P.


2. Mom


3. Brit

Solo Recital

On April 5th I played a solo recital after the Priesthood session of General Conference at the home of Alan Edwards. My accompanist was Diane Bastian. She is an amazing accompanist.

The program was:
Violin Concerto No. 1 in a minor -Allegro Moderato by J. S. Bach
Sonata Op. 120 No. 1 -Allegro Appassionato and Vivace by Johannes Brahms
Ave Marie by Franz Schubert
Suite in G Major -Prelude by J. S. Bach
Suite in C Major -Gigue by J. S. Bach
Arpeggione Sonata -Allegro Moderato by Franz Schubert
Where Can I Turn For Peace by Joleen Meredith Arr. By Marie Feinauer & Marilyn Olsen

I played a violin piece because it is the piece that I need to pass off through a video with the Suzuki Association to continue my Suzuki training on the violin. I was planning on doing all of my Suzuki Training on viola, but when the opportunities present themselves, you need to jump.
I think one interesting thing is that none of the pieces were originally written for viola. The Brahms was for clarinet originally, the Bach Suites are for cello, the Schubert Sonata was written for an instrument called the Arpeggione. The joys of being a violist.

I haven't yet figured out how to edit a video excerpt to put here from the video that was take of the recital. But I'm glad that video was taken, hopefully I can give myself some lessons from watching it and practicing.

It was a very good experience to play for an audience again, and I feel like I've gotten back to my "I'm not too nervous" attitude. I was excited and wanted to do well, but also confident and felt good about who I was sharing with.

A lot of my family that was not able to come to my college senior recital were able to come to this one. I enjoyed being able to play for my friends and family in a more formal, but still relaxed setting.

JP bought an orchid that afternoon so we were able to display that on the piano. It is beautiful and still blooming. When the host of this recital, Alan, found out JP liked orchids he gave us a book to read called, "Making the Impossible Possible: One Man's Crusade to Inspire Others to Dream Bigger and Achieve the Extraordinary" by Bill Strickland. We've begun reading it and are really enjoying it. It's about a man who helped inner city youth by bringing beauty into their lives. And one of the beauties was growing orchids.

It's taken me a long time to do this post because I wanted it to be really good, but I couldn't decide what would make it stand out. Especially since my mom had already posted about this recital on the family blog. But I'm glad to keep a record, and once I get this post finished maybe my ideas will begin flowing again for what else I want to write about.

Performing Mahler's 5th

On the 15th of March I performed in Mahler's 5th Symphony with the Salt Lake Symphony in Libby Gardner Concert Hall at the University of Utah. Although it was a very hard piece of music and a challenge for me, I'm glad that I had the experience and took the time to play this piece.
The thing I want to comment on is our director and how amazing he was at bringing the orchestra through this experience. I first must disclose that we didn't perform this piece perfectly. We were far from it. And while most directors would be extremely stressed, pushy, and possibly even downright grumpy, Dr. Baldwin had a great attitude through the whole thing.
I especially noticed all of this during the dress rehearsal. The first thing we did was a complete run through! Now that may not sound all that amazing to many of you. But when a director is stressed about a difficult piece, usually the last thing thing they want to do at the last minute is a run through; they want to hit the hard spots. So we did a run through and Dr. Baldwin was disciplined enough not to stop us (much.)
After the run through he complimented us sincerely, not on our perfection, but on his faith that from hearing what we'd just done he knew that we would be able to make it through tomorrow without crashing. And that gave us all what we probably needed most, a little confidence (myself included.)
Then we spent the second part of the rehearsal working on spots he had noticed during the run through. And it was amazing, he had a system and he stuck to it. He would tell us the section, and what we needed to fix. Then we would play through it, and it wouldn't go so great. Then he would say one more thing, we would play it again, it would improve, and he would compliment us on the improvement and give us something to help us remember tomorrow. He didn't beat any one spot to death, and he didn't ever sound like he'd given up on a spot being the way he wanted.
After the rehearsal he saved time for a pep talk (some directors would go over time running spots, and then be like "oh... see ya.") And his talk was quite insightful for me. I must admit by that time I was extremely tired and didn't really want to play the concert the next night, so the pep talk was what I needed.
He paraphrased some other people, and he let us know that he was.... so I'm passing that on to you readers. Anyway, he said that there is a trend now for smaller orchestras to play Mahler, and the big works like that. The reasoning Dr. Baldwin stated was that there is power in this music. That even though we can't play it as well as say, the New York Philharmonic it still has power for the audience and (especially) us as musicians.
This meant a lot to me, because the reason I play the viola still is that I love playing in symphonies. I've felt the power of great music at least since I was in 9th grade and played the New World Symphony by Dvorak. And it made me grateful for the opportunity to play another great piece of music and experience that greatness again at a new level. It made me want to come back tomorrow and play the concert, even though I didn't know of anyone who was coming to see it.
At the end of his talk he complimented us for all of our hard work, and told us to think back to the first rehearsal and how much we had improved. And I must say the contrast was quite amazing, especially after only six rehearsals.
The concert the next night went well enough. I enjoyed playing, and I played better than I had the rest of the rehearsals (you gotta love adrenaline.) We only had a minor train wreck where the french horn came in the wrong spot, but we just went back to his entrance and everyone was able to figure it out and we got back together. It was a good experience, and now I'm glad that I didn't chicken out and take a break for this concert.

What I Teach

There are some subjects that if you get me started on them I will probably talk your ear off. Especially if you have a question, they are the subjects that I'm afraid I act like a know-it-all about. Recently in an email to my cousin I went off about homeschooling I then apologized and finished up the email with this sentance, "But I do have a goal to encourage and educate people in my passions: homeschool, music, strings, music theory, and sign language [and yoga.]"

I'm sure I will eventually devote more than a blog entry to each of these, and I know that my opinions still have some room to change on all of them, but to get to know me (and not from my uninformative profile) I think you need to understand my veiws on these subjects. So I'm going to present a paragraph (and only one :) ) on each subject.

Music

This one may be somewhat obvious, with my past blog posts, and since I graduated from college with a music degree and my senior year in high school took 5 out of my 8 classes in music. Mostly I just love music: the challenge, the sounds, the comraderie, the teamwork.

Strings

As a music ed major (which I did not finish) I had to learn to play "the other" instruments, the brass and woodwinds. They're OK, but what really floats my boat is the strings, especially the viola and the bass (yes, I am odd, most people like violin and cello, maybe I just enjoy being different, or at least being good.) Which is one reason why I finally graduated in Music - String Pedagogy. It also has something to do with how much I love teaching and I dislike public schools, but that's for a future paragraph. This love of string pedagogy (or teaching strings) has really hit home in the past year or so as I've had a handful of students. I realize how happy I am when I finish teaching a lesson, or how much I enjoy the challenge of trying to find how to connect with a student, will it be a visual representation, or a kinesthetic sense. And how to get them motivated, excited, and listening. It's like the things I love about music in a new channel.

Music Theory

Anyone who has been a music major will doubt this one. Ask nearly any music major what they're least favorite class is and they will say music theory. But ever since I took my first music theory class at 5 years old, or did theory worksheets with my piano teacher it has been my favorite. Maybe it has something to do with how much I love math or the foundation I was given young. Whatever it is my AP Music Theory Class in high school was wonderful, and we all got 5's (highest marks) on the final test. The only stress I remember having with music theory was when I got to college and I was supposed to take the first theory course even though I'd passed the AP test. I found myself crying in Professor Nielsen's office until he asked me what an f sharp was in the key of C and I said "a French sixth chord." Although it was the wrong answer, with a little prompting I got the right answer and he was impressed that I'd even heard of the first one. So this gift of loving theory is one that I hope to pass on to more children through teaching, and to keep this to one paragraph there will need to be a future post on how I plan to do that.

Homeschool

First of all, I was never homeschooled. My husband was homeschooled for most of his life, with some private schools in there. And at this point my brothers and sisters are as well (I'm the oldest of 7 kids, 4 of them are currently homeschooled.) But the main point of this is I plan to homeschool my kids, even though I don't have kids yet. DH and I have discussed often what our philosophy for homeschooling is, and why we want to homeschool. The interesting thing is that some of it is different than our parents, or others we know that homeschool. But the main point is that we will be homeschooling our kids starting last year (with research, building our philosophies, and our own learning). And I want to share with others and encourage homeschooling, although I feel underqualified at this point, since I have little experience. But I do have experience with public school, and I know that's not what I want for my kids, especially in elementary.

Sign Language

I've been extremely interested in sign language ever since Junior High School, I think it's a beautiful language and I've always wanted to learn more. That's why when I heard about baby sign language it was very interesting to me. So last year I began to research, and I've made a few decisions: It's not as hard as it sounds to use sign language with a baby, its about exposure not teaching. It is exciting and helpful for a family to use sign. An actual signed language should be used instead of a made up language, but it's okay to have some family/home signs if necessary. And part of my children's homeschool will be sign language from the time they're very small, (yes, homeschool starts long before the age of 5).

Yoga

Honestly, this one is mostly for me. I like to do yoga, it makes me feel better. Once I asked one of my yoga teachers if she could ever picture me as a yoga teacher (back to "I love teaching"). She said she could, and I now feel that I could at some point too. But there are a lot of other things that come first (as you can see above). For now, yoga is for me; and my children are welcome to join in. (I'm sure I'll research more on baby and children's yoga, so I can still have yoga and my kids too).

In summary: I love teaching! I'm excited to teach my kids. I'm excited to teach lots of other kids about music and theory. And I hope that through teaching my kids I'll be able to gain the experience and confidence to work with other parents as they teach their kids.

Halloween Concert

So I'm only two holidays behind. My excuse is that working has been stressful for me, but I'm happy to be writing.
I attended the BYU Idaho Symphony Halloween concert on Oct. 29, 2007. This is a 24 year tradition (the same age as me) but this one was special because it was Kevin Call (as the Count) and Kendell Nielsen (as Igor), the directors, final one.
Usually the Halloween concert is a lot of silliness, slapstick, and good classical music. And this year the usual silliness was augmented by videos of past Halloween concerts (it was fun to remember.) But who would have ever guessed that this one, the first one I didn't played in after six years would be quite inspiring to me and give me a message to think about for the next two months, and longer.
They had LaMar Barrus (as death), former BYU-I symphony conductor, play one of my favorite pieces, "Danse Macabre" by Saint-Saens on his violin. The title means "dance of death," and at the risk of sounding morbid that's what I've been thinking about: death.
I once read that there are only three fears at all in anyone's life, any other fears can be attributed to these. One of those, and the most major is the fear of death. I also have noticed in my own life the fears I have of change. I admit with this being my first non-Halloween concert year I may have been looking a little too hard for this message and it may be a stretch.
The overall programming of the concert was that this would be the Count's final time to come out of his coffin to direct this Idaho symphony, and when the clock struck midnight Death would come and take him.
After Bro. Barrus played "Danse Macabre" Bro. Call left the stage and Bro. Barrus had the opportunity to conduct the symphony in a piece by J.S. Bach called "Come Sweet Death." The title alone began to change my perspective, and the piece really spoke to me.
I realized in terms of change, we are given more opportunities. Bro. Barrus is still conducting the Rexburg community orchestra, and had this chance to conduct the BYU-I symphony again. And I began to think during that piece that change and death are not loss, but gain and new opportunity.
It also saw this as David Peck sang the "Earl King" by Schubert and the people in front of me gasped when he ended the song with "the boy was dead." Although I understand the shock when you don't know its coming, I actually really like this song and feel it has value in helping people deal with death.
It was all tied up for me when at the closing chimes of midnight as Bro. Barrus came to take Bro. call from the stage at the end of the concert he exited with a calm demeanor and acceptance. It made me feel that is how I would like to be able to face death eventually. And that I really could believe that's how accepting Bro. Call is of this change. And it helped me to change my perspective about being graduated and the many changes that I'm experiencing.
This was all brought to mind again as I read this article in the Deseret News yesterday about Jenny Oaks Baker. I've had a lot of respect for her since I met her as my chamber coach at Suzuki camp and BYU summer music festival. And this is another example of change being a gain.
Now lest anyone take this the wrong way I am in no way an advocate of death, but of accepting, trusting, and knowing that our Heavenly Father knows what is best and where he needs us, and what we need at each point in our lives.
P.S. To all those of you who were at the actual reunion concert on the 26th, I'm sorry I missed you. And to those of you who played in the Mahler #3 concert I'm very sorry I missed it, my family said it was awesome. But I'll be playing Mahler #5 in March :)

Life is constantly changing

Warning: this is definitely the post of a music nerd. Future posts may not be so musically saturated.
Since this is my first post, I'll say a little on my current title, "Life is a Symphony." When you play in a symphony someone else wrote it, and someone else is conducting it. You don't have a whole lot of control. You're job is to play what you're given to the very best of your ability and as much in sync with those around you as you possibly can. And trust that those around you are doing the best they can. That's what makes the whole thing come together to make a beautiful piece of music.
Comparing this to life, I believe we definitely have a Heavenly Father giving us the music to play, or the experiences to live, and bringing the people into our lives that we are supposed to play, work, and learn with.
It's just a matter of trusting the composer and conductor. I'm lucky to have had good experiences with people in both of these fields in my life. It's also amazing how after you play a piece of music you somehow feel closer to whoever wrote it, even if they've been dead for over 200 years. I think if we really trust that our life has a plan just like we trust that the music in front of us is part of a greater whole, then we can be closer to God.
I've been feeling lately like life is constantly changing, and I suppose it is. But if we compare life to a symphony; the first time I play through a symphony it sometimes seems that the music is coming from nowhere. I don't really know what to expect, and it can sometimes seem random. But after playing a symphony, or listening to it countless times you could start it in the middle, then pause it and I would be able to tell you exactly where it's going. And the more music you know the more likely you are to understand where a piece is going on your first listening. But then the differences of the piece become exciting instead of confusing or frustrating.
We really are on our first time through life. The trick is to look for patterns and anticipate the unexpected turns instead of resisting them.
This is mostly a lecture to myself since my life seems pretty much out of control. DH and I just graduated from college, he's looking for a job and I'm working part time, and just applied for a new full time job that I think would be awesome. But all of this change is scaring me, especially since I have no idea where it will all end up. I guess it's all about trust, that there is a plan for us.